As I was getting ready yesterday morning, my little Rosie was lounging on my bed. I had already gotten her dressed, but every kid loves to lie on Mom and Dad’s bed, right? She looked up at me and said, “Mom, is Philomena going to get better?” The question surprised me. I looked at her and said, “Oh baby, Philomena is not going to get better. She died, remember.” I so hate to say that statement.
Then I thought about it for a moment and corrected myself. I said, “Philomena is all better Rosie. She is in heaven.”
This struggle to focus on what Philomena IS versus what she IS NOT is constant. Where my focus is has a great impact on me. Philomena is in heaven. She is perfectly happy. She is well. She is beautiful. She loves me and knows my love for her.
Philomena is not in our home. Philomena is not in my arms. Philomena is not here for me to kiss and talk to.
IS versus IS NOT
If I focus on the later, the tears never seem to stop. My head throbs, my heart aches, and I feel very low energy. If I can focus more on the former, my day becomes more manageable. I still cry at times, my heart still aches for her, but I am able to go about my day and be joyful with my children.
Focusing on what is before me, the blessings I have been given by God, including Philomena being in heaven – it doesn’t erase the pain, but it makes it bearable. I wish I could just read my own words and it would be that easy….